shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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