A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
