I must be too annoying 4 u.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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