can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
