Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
