Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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