i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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