Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
honey bunches of taint.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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