the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
