i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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