apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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