I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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