That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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