I think I died a long time ago.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
