I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
