I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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