The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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