It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
50% drunk capacity currently
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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