she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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