Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
being pregnant is like rehab
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize