we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
