i think i have herpe
just one?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
