I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
