a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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