I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
