I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I want her autograph on my taint
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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