im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
