FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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