Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
