i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
