I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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