She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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