Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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