Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
