I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
