evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
