i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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