white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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