Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
