I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
