Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hippo gnu deer
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
