How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
