things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
