oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Drunk is not a location!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize