My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
