We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
