so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
