this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
