My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
