Pappa wants mamma naked
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you didnt know i had herpes?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
