An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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