Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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