And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
