If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
