the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
