we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
