I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
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