I wish you could order shots online.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
