false alarm. still invincible.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
