That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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