I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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