so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
