i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
