Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
