Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
