Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i think i just lost a toe
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
