I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
