You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
