i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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