the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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