If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
