What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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