I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
