Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
