He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
