I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I AM VODKA MAN
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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