There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
